Confessions

Singing, Dancing, Pretending I'm on stage, the audience loves me, staring in the mirror, looking into my eyes, I blush, I get shy, I can't look, flutered, I look away, I look down,I bite my lower lip, I close my eyes and smile, I take a deep breath, and *sigh*, The music's playing, I can hear it all the time, the audience is waiting, I have to sing, I have to dance, an audience of none, but I like it that way. I wish I could sing, at the top of my lungs, for everyone to hear, for everyone to see, the me I am inside, not this shell of flesh and bones, but who I am inside, I'm not really strong, I'm not really all that brave, I want you to hold me, I want to feel safe in your arms, I want you to love me, I want you to caress me, I want to be able to cry in your arms, I want to be able to let my soul out, not to hide it from the world, for fear of rejection, of hate, of misunderstanding, don't hate me, please, I already hate myself, tell me I'm worthy, tell me I deserve life, tell me I made the right descision, everytime I wanted to take a knife to my own flesh, everytime I wanted to lay on the tracks of the train, everytime I think it's too much, everytime I think that I can't feel anything anymore, I feel nothing, no pain, no sadness, no happyness, no thing. Is my heart truely broken this time? Is it beyond repair? Has it ever worked? Is it something that needs to grown and become whole, or are you born with it? Was living without love and care of a family permenantly scarred me? Has that false love I recieved growing up corrupted my heart? Is it no longer pure? Am I doomed to suffer the same fate? Love me, let me grow, I'm more feeble and afraid than you think, more than I look, more than I act. I act strong, so you wouldn't worry. I act sure of myself, because I'm so unsure. I love with all my heart, because I'm afraid that I can't really love at all.