Monday - Umm... rantish?

Post Part 1 - Rant rant rant

You can skip the rant if you want, it's not necessary to read. *nods* I'll post a regular post after, I swear, I could rant for ages, and probably looks like I have, but don't worry, I won't make you read it or comment. (not that I could, unless I use my mind control powers oOoOoO~ *wavey hands*)

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I have a freind, who's quite stubborn. Very stubborn, holds grudges indefinately, and conveniently remembers/forgets things sometimes. He's recently been ranting/arguing/discussing (whatever you want to call it) with his ex gf, whom is also freinds with me, and freinds with other friends, we've got some mutual friends, to put it in a more simple phrase. Anyways, he's stubborn. Really stubborn.

Let me begin, with this. I've known him for four years or so, since HS, and we're good freinds. What do people do when their freinds are down? You help them. What do people do when freinds need help? You help them, right? Well, you give up after a while, when you try to help them but they're too stuborn to see they've done anything wrong.

Not really, don't think I'm all self-righteous here (I am, but not in this case, honest), many of our mutual freinds try to help him, and one time, when he and his ex broke up (well, she broke up with him for the reasons I am discussing), he had a 'revelation', an 'epiphany'. He realised that because of his stubborn nature, his insecurity, and a few other problems, he was definately at fault for the relationship ending.

Asking her to change, not wanting to change his faults, pushing the relationship faster than she was ready for (insecurities, wanting it to be more secure to feel better), always feeling down on himself when he does anything wrong (when many of the times, it's not his fault), etc etc. And when asked to confront these issues, he a) gets mad, or b) disregards anything you say. Issues, what issues?


I've tried, many times, all of us have, and yet he still doesn't get it. He thinks we speak down to him, well we kinda do when it comes to certain things, like:

Us: "Stephen, what are you doing? You know that's wrong right? It'll only bite you in the ass?"
Stephen: "What? What makes you say that?"
Us: *gives reasons*
Stephen: "Eh, oh well. I don't think it's a big deal.
Us: "Ok, if you want, but remember we warned you."

-some time later-


Stephen: "Fuck, I fucked up, I did *action* and *action* and I fucked things up"
Us: "We told you it'd be wrong, and it would come back to hurt you."
Stephen: "Well I'm going to learn from my mistakes and change."

Take that, and copy and paste it a couple times, dozens maybe, about him being stubborn, his love of generalizing (all asians this, all blacks that, all women this, all guys that, etc etc), and a few other things that I don't keep track of (note: I'll hit this topic again later). Well, after they broke up, he got 'serious' and was really wanting to change. But, in the end, it was a more exciting and drawn out story, which is just like the one above.

I'm ranting now, because he was up till 8:00 am chatting with his ex (who are still freinds, we all are) and I got up at 5:30 am (to see my gf off to work) and was suprised to see them both on. One was suprising, the other was more, both was strange indeed. The topic now, was how pissed he is, that she doesn't treat him like they use to... You know, when they were dating... That makes sense to anyone? I mean, obviously, you two broke up, you were close, very close when dating, but now that you're not dating, she's not going to be as close as before. She's also going to be hesitant to do anything that might give you the impresion that she likes you 'like that', because you're still not over her.

Oh, that thing I said I'd talk about later. Holds grudges forever. Keeps a mental diary (which isn't accurate half the time, he's been caught with ... some made up events, that were impossible) of every fault we have, and likes to bring it up whenever we bring up any point on him. His defense would be "Well give me an example" regarding something he's done. We don't, because we try to forget when he's being stupid, but it happens, a lot. And all of us agree. He somehow things we're just being yes-men to each other, nobody really believes it, but is just being nice to the other people, saying yes. Not possible that we all believe it, and have told you about it, several times, over the course of several years, time and time again, right?

It's not possible that we might be right, considering that we have to, on many, many occasions, dozens, end conversations with "You just don't get it Stephen", and have to drop it, that doesn't have anything to do with it, right? We're all out to get you, right? RIGHT?

Most recently, he's been getting into it again, and his ex and I talk about the situation a lot, mostly because I was online at 5:30am, and because she needed to vent. I'm use to being the Vent-ee to the Vent-er (note, Stephen vents a lot, and half the time it's his fault, but he won't believe it).

I have to say, that most of my closest freinds, whom I relate to the most, have not had the happiest childhood, and therefore, I feel comfortable talking with them about things. Stephen is not one of those people. Sure his brother beat him up when he was younger, they'd fight a lot, he didn't have a dad, but he had a loving family, and has strong bonds with his family. Not to [emo] myself here, but I didn't have any of that. I had family, we were somewhat close growing up, but not really. I was a loner, at school, at home, in my family. Every one of my cousins are different, 'the black sheep' if you will. We don't get a long, I dislike my parents, I dislike my family in general.

This will be somewhat revealing, but if you don't feel comfortable reading, do just skip it, really. Summary, I had a fucked up childhood.

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As I said, I've a fucked up childhood, I had nobody really raise me, home alone a lot, most of what I can remember as far back as 2nd grade, and my babysitter's son wasn't the nicest of people. Oh, he was nice, but he did un-nice things to me, things people get in trouble for, things people go to jail for. He molested other kids too probably, I know of only 1 other. I never had any freinds growing up until 7th grade, when I got 2, close freinds. Before that, every freind I had used me, and it bit me in the ass in the end to befirend them. I'm also a transgender, female brain in a male body, but some argue that, I know what I know. Having nobody to talk to about that, I grew depressed and suicidal as young as 10, and would have dreams of being female, and nightmares of being abandoned or killed. I was noted to sleepwalk, sleeptalk, sleepscream, sleepassault even. I bring these points up not because I want sympathy, (because if that were true, I'd go into much more detail, about my mother, my father, my brother, etc), but because i watned to bring up a point.

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Stephen grouped me and him in the same catagory. "People like us need to stick together" or something, when we were talking about our past. I mean, not to sound like a dramaqueen, but fuck you Stephen. How dare you put what I went through on par with what you went through. You had a tough older brother, I had it far worse. You had family, I didn't. You had freinds, I didn't. He's hurt a lot of people with his stubbornness, and with his ego (ties together hand and hand), he thinks we're all 'out to get him' and that we 'speak down to him' (and yes, again, we do when he's being an idiot about something we already warned him about, and when he does it again).

I told him, that if he wants to start, he has to do something. He needs to apolagize to people that he's hurt for being that way. You don't just say "well I'm going to change", you still need to repent (no religious implications intended) for what you've done. You know what you did was wrong now, shouldn't you say you're sorry? "No, I don't think that's necessary" he said. Fine. Step 1, admit you have a problem, you got that far, but you've taken that step a lot, and fallen back just as many times. You need to take the next step, rather than just know you have a problem.

I must end, and say that, Stephen has some good traits, a lot, but also, he's got bad traits, a LOT. I hope he gets his ass in gear and does something about it, he's 22 this year, and it's only gotten worse since I first met him, and it's only gotten harder to get through to him.